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elrhiarhodanTitle: I'm Not Shooting the Dog - The Secret History of Neal Caffrey, Part One
Author:elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar, Kingsman: The Secret Service
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Neal Caffrey, Merlin (Kingsman), brief appearance by Arthur | Chester King
Word Count: ~1000
Spoilers: None for White Collar (set pre-series), Spoilers for Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: None
Beta Credit: None
Summary: Neal Caffrey has some incredibly amazing and diverse skills, skills that not even the most dedicated autodidact could master. He's poly-lingual (nine or more languages), an Olympic-class fencer, his marksmanship is exceptional - especially for a man who hates guns. He's a world-class chef, a master distiller, an architect, a gambler, a connoisseur of fine wines and clothing and music. There is literally nothing he can't do, no situation he can't master, no risk he won't take.
Mozzie might have given him the basics on how to be the frontman for the cons he'd wanted to pull, but Neal's skills had been polished and his talents nurtured on an estate outside of London. For six months, Neal Caffrey had been a knight-candidate at Kingsman, an independent intelligence agency founded after World War I.
Author’s Note: Okay, so about three weeks ago, I finally watched Kingsman: The Secret Service, and fell headlong into the trashpit. It's stirred up so many feeeeelllsss and it seems that all I'm doing is reading Kingsman fic and thinking about Kingsman, and watching the trailer over and over an over again. Because, well Colin Firth and Mark Strong (guh).
And I started doing what I always do when I encounter a new fandom, I start thinking about how I can cross it over with my old fandoms (yes, I have at least three White Collar/Flash crossovers in my WIPs folder). First was an idea for a crossover with a Flash AU I've been writing for the last nine months, but that's not able to really go anywhere right now, since the main story is still far from finished.
Then I got to thinking about White Collar, and all of the pieces fell into place.
I usually have a rule about not publishing unfinished stories, but since I'm actually not certain where this is going, or how long it'll take me to write (even my shortest stories seem to go epic lately), I'll be publishing these as short(ish), stand-alone fics as the mood strikes. If you have ideas for where this should go, please leave me something in the comments.
__________________
England, 2003
Despite six months of extensive training, despite a never-quite-forgotten desire to follow in his father's footsteps, despite near-perfect marksmanship scores, Neal Caffrey still doesn't like guns. And he likes guns even less when the snobbish prick known as Arthur hands him a Glock-22 and tells him to shoot the dog. His dog.
Raphael has done nothing to earn such a terrible fate. The Spinone is sweet and gentle and perfectly trained, just like a Kingsman's dog is supposed to be. But still, Arthur orders him to shoot his dog.
Neal knows just what this test is. It's a test of obedience. To see if he'll follow orders, no matter how repugnant they are.
But Neal Caffrey's never been a man who blindly does what someone tells him to do. He takes the gun and without the slightest hesitation, expels the round in the chamber and ejects the clip.
The clip is empty. The round's a blank. Neal laughs.
"Get out." That's all Arthur says.
In a way, Neal's not unhappy with this development. He likes the idea of being a Kingsman, of being the hero he once thought his father was. To play games and save the world. But there are things he doesn't like, like the expectation that he'd have to kill or be killed.
That's not what Neal Caffrey is about - he might lie and steal and forge, he might seduce and con and cheat. He's not a killer and if he is to become Tristan and take a seat at the not-so-round table, he'd have no choice.
Neal taps his hand against his thigh and Raphael gets up and goes to his side. In the mode of a true gentleman, he wishes Arthur a good afternoon. As he's heading down to the barracks to gather up his personal gear and get out of this god-awful siren suit, Neal hears a shot ring out. Looks like Georgie was a good boy and followed orders. A new Tristan will be sitting at the table tonight.
Raphael sits and watches Neal as he packs up, and Neal realizes he has a problem.
"What am I going to do with you?"
Raphael barks, a happy sound.
"I can't take you with me, you know." Neal shoves the two books he'd brought with him - Vasari's Lives of Artists and Castiglione's The Courtier - into the duffle bag and sits down on the cot. Raphael rests his head on Neal's knee, giving him an adoring look.
Neal strokes the dog's head, letting his fingers weave through the coarse fur. He plays with Raphael's ears and grief wells up. Not for the lost opportunity - there will always be more of those - but for the friendships he's going to leave behind.
Harry, who'd been a mark and ended up becoming a mentor. Merlin, who'd scared the crap out of him at first, but had taught him what true loyalty is (and it isn't shooting a dog). Dagonet, the sly guardian at the tailor shop, and a dozen others who'd made an impression on Neal, who believed he could be something more than a thief and a con artist.
"Caffrey?" Merlin's standing door, likely waiting to escort him out and remind him that he needs to keep quiet about Kingsman - unless he wants his nearest and dearest to join him in a body bag.
"I'm done." He zips up his bag and hoists it over his shoulder, taking care not to wrinkle his jacket. No Kingsman suit will be his - no matter what Galahad's promised. He'll just have to make due with Armani.
"I'm sorry."
Neal shrugs. "Perhaps it's for the best."
Merlin smiles slightly, as if he almost agrees.
"Can I ask a favor?" Neal glances down at Raphael, who's now got his leash in his mouth.
Merlin shakes his head. "That won't be the favor you'll have from us. I'll rehome him for you."
Neal lets out a sigh of relief. He doesn't exactly know what's in store for him, but it's not going to be a life where he'll be able to care for a rather large hunting dog. He snaps his fingers and give Raphael a command. "Go with Merlin, be a good boy for him."
And naturally, Raphael trots over to Merlin and sits at his heels.
"Thanks." He's about to leave when he realizes just what Merlin's said. "What do you mean, 'the favor you'll have from us'?"
Merlin clips on Raphael's leash and they both walk out of the barracks. "It customary to offer the last unsuccessful candidate a favor. A single favor that you can call in at any time." Merlin looks at Neal, a sly, calculating expression in his eyes. "As the Americans might say, a 'get out of jail free' card. You'll call the shop and ask for customer service, and to redeem the favor, just say 'oxfords, not brogues'. Got it?"
Neal has to laugh, but Merlin's clearly serious. "Yeah, I've got it. 'Oxfords, not brogues'." He not at all skeptical that Kingsman will stand by this promise, but Neal never plans to call it in.
There's a taxi waiting in the forecourt of the mansion and before Neal gets in it, Merlin hands him an envelope. "Your passport and compensation for your time."
Neal takes it and doesn't bother to look in the envelope. He's sure that Kingsman has been as generous as they'd promised. He offers Merlin his hand. "Thank you, and please tell Harry that I'm sorry I let him down." That's not exactly the truth, and he's reluctant to leave with a lie. "No, tell Harry that I appreciate the chance he gave me, but even if it had been him asking, I still wouldn't have shot my dog."
"Aye, lad. That I will."
Neal pats Raphael's head and tells the dog, "Stay out of trouble."
Now Merlin does laugh. "You should take your own advice."
Neal chuckles and gets into the waiting cab. It's not one of Kingsman's special taxis, it's just a local car with cracked seats and dirty windows.
"Where to, guv?"
"Can you take me to Heathrow?"
"Sure thing."
The cab pulls around the forecourt and heads out. Neal doesn't look back.
Fin, or perhaps, To Be Continued
Author:
elrhiarhodanFandom: White Collar, Kingsman: The Secret Service
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Neal Caffrey, Merlin (Kingsman), brief appearance by Arthur | Chester King
Word Count: ~1000
Spoilers: None for White Collar (set pre-series), Spoilers for Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: None
Beta Credit: None
Summary: Neal Caffrey has some incredibly amazing and diverse skills, skills that not even the most dedicated autodidact could master. He's poly-lingual (nine or more languages), an Olympic-class fencer, his marksmanship is exceptional - especially for a man who hates guns. He's a world-class chef, a master distiller, an architect, a gambler, a connoisseur of fine wines and clothing and music. There is literally nothing he can't do, no situation he can't master, no risk he won't take.
Mozzie might have given him the basics on how to be the frontman for the cons he'd wanted to pull, but Neal's skills had been polished and his talents nurtured on an estate outside of London. For six months, Neal Caffrey had been a knight-candidate at Kingsman, an independent intelligence agency founded after World War I.
Author’s Note: Okay, so about three weeks ago, I finally watched Kingsman: The Secret Service, and fell headlong into the trashpit. It's stirred up so many feeeeelllsss and it seems that all I'm doing is reading Kingsman fic and thinking about Kingsman, and watching the trailer over and over an over again. Because, well Colin Firth and Mark Strong (guh).
And I started doing what I always do when I encounter a new fandom, I start thinking about how I can cross it over with my old fandoms (yes, I have at least three White Collar/Flash crossovers in my WIPs folder). First was an idea for a crossover with a Flash AU I've been writing for the last nine months, but that's not able to really go anywhere right now, since the main story is still far from finished.
Then I got to thinking about White Collar, and all of the pieces fell into place.
I usually have a rule about not publishing unfinished stories, but since I'm actually not certain where this is going, or how long it'll take me to write (even my shortest stories seem to go epic lately), I'll be publishing these as short(ish), stand-alone fics as the mood strikes. If you have ideas for where this should go, please leave me something in the comments.
England, 2003
Despite six months of extensive training, despite a never-quite-forgotten desire to follow in his father's footsteps, despite near-perfect marksmanship scores, Neal Caffrey still doesn't like guns. And he likes guns even less when the snobbish prick known as Arthur hands him a Glock-22 and tells him to shoot the dog. His dog.
Raphael has done nothing to earn such a terrible fate. The Spinone is sweet and gentle and perfectly trained, just like a Kingsman's dog is supposed to be. But still, Arthur orders him to shoot his dog.
Neal knows just what this test is. It's a test of obedience. To see if he'll follow orders, no matter how repugnant they are.
But Neal Caffrey's never been a man who blindly does what someone tells him to do. He takes the gun and without the slightest hesitation, expels the round in the chamber and ejects the clip.
The clip is empty. The round's a blank. Neal laughs.
"Get out." That's all Arthur says.
In a way, Neal's not unhappy with this development. He likes the idea of being a Kingsman, of being the hero he once thought his father was. To play games and save the world. But there are things he doesn't like, like the expectation that he'd have to kill or be killed.
That's not what Neal Caffrey is about - he might lie and steal and forge, he might seduce and con and cheat. He's not a killer and if he is to become Tristan and take a seat at the not-so-round table, he'd have no choice.
Neal taps his hand against his thigh and Raphael gets up and goes to his side. In the mode of a true gentleman, he wishes Arthur a good afternoon. As he's heading down to the barracks to gather up his personal gear and get out of this god-awful siren suit, Neal hears a shot ring out. Looks like Georgie was a good boy and followed orders. A new Tristan will be sitting at the table tonight.
Raphael sits and watches Neal as he packs up, and Neal realizes he has a problem.
"What am I going to do with you?"
Raphael barks, a happy sound.
"I can't take you with me, you know." Neal shoves the two books he'd brought with him - Vasari's Lives of Artists and Castiglione's The Courtier - into the duffle bag and sits down on the cot. Raphael rests his head on Neal's knee, giving him an adoring look.
Neal strokes the dog's head, letting his fingers weave through the coarse fur. He plays with Raphael's ears and grief wells up. Not for the lost opportunity - there will always be more of those - but for the friendships he's going to leave behind.
Harry, who'd been a mark and ended up becoming a mentor. Merlin, who'd scared the crap out of him at first, but had taught him what true loyalty is (and it isn't shooting a dog). Dagonet, the sly guardian at the tailor shop, and a dozen others who'd made an impression on Neal, who believed he could be something more than a thief and a con artist.
"Caffrey?" Merlin's standing door, likely waiting to escort him out and remind him that he needs to keep quiet about Kingsman - unless he wants his nearest and dearest to join him in a body bag.
"I'm done." He zips up his bag and hoists it over his shoulder, taking care not to wrinkle his jacket. No Kingsman suit will be his - no matter what Galahad's promised. He'll just have to make due with Armani.
"I'm sorry."
Neal shrugs. "Perhaps it's for the best."
Merlin smiles slightly, as if he almost agrees.
"Can I ask a favor?" Neal glances down at Raphael, who's now got his leash in his mouth.
Merlin shakes his head. "That won't be the favor you'll have from us. I'll rehome him for you."
Neal lets out a sigh of relief. He doesn't exactly know what's in store for him, but it's not going to be a life where he'll be able to care for a rather large hunting dog. He snaps his fingers and give Raphael a command. "Go with Merlin, be a good boy for him."
And naturally, Raphael trots over to Merlin and sits at his heels.
"Thanks." He's about to leave when he realizes just what Merlin's said. "What do you mean, 'the favor you'll have from us'?"
Merlin clips on Raphael's leash and they both walk out of the barracks. "It customary to offer the last unsuccessful candidate a favor. A single favor that you can call in at any time." Merlin looks at Neal, a sly, calculating expression in his eyes. "As the Americans might say, a 'get out of jail free' card. You'll call the shop and ask for customer service, and to redeem the favor, just say 'oxfords, not brogues'. Got it?"
Neal has to laugh, but Merlin's clearly serious. "Yeah, I've got it. 'Oxfords, not brogues'." He not at all skeptical that Kingsman will stand by this promise, but Neal never plans to call it in.
There's a taxi waiting in the forecourt of the mansion and before Neal gets in it, Merlin hands him an envelope. "Your passport and compensation for your time."
Neal takes it and doesn't bother to look in the envelope. He's sure that Kingsman has been as generous as they'd promised. He offers Merlin his hand. "Thank you, and please tell Harry that I'm sorry I let him down." That's not exactly the truth, and he's reluctant to leave with a lie. "No, tell Harry that I appreciate the chance he gave me, but even if it had been him asking, I still wouldn't have shot my dog."
"Aye, lad. That I will."
Neal pats Raphael's head and tells the dog, "Stay out of trouble."
Now Merlin does laugh. "You should take your own advice."
Neal chuckles and gets into the waiting cab. It's not one of Kingsman's special taxis, it's just a local car with cracked seats and dirty windows.
"Where to, guv?"
"Can you take me to Heathrow?"
"Sure thing."
The cab pulls around the forecourt and heads out. Neal doesn't look back.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-13 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-08-13 05:51 pm (UTC)And that favor, well - it's not going to get called in in an expected way. This won't be all that lighthearted a ride.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-13 07:07 pm (UTC)This is great. It fits totally well with Neal's backstory. Obviously Neal would fail the dog test and it's so IC that he secretly feels relieved - and that Merlin feels relieved for him too. Love that he doesn't want to leave on a lie. And I LOVE that Harry starts out as mark and ends up as mentor. tbh that's what I want to see most if you're looking for future ideas (or, you know, porn would be fine too). I also like the part about Merlin scaring Neal at first and also his line to Neal about staying out of trouble too - if you're looking for more ideas, I like the idea of Merlin finding stern but effective ways of telling Neal to knock it off (like when in the film he told Eggsy to get rid of the chip on his shoulder - but maybe for Neal it's cockiness or maybe it's also a chip on his shoulder).
Anyway, this was delightful :)
no subject
Date: 2017-08-13 07:21 pm (UTC)We may have actually watched it at the same time!
Harry's my fandom bicycle at this point - I'll ship him with anyone but Chester (that's like shipping Peter with Kramer, just too gross for words. The fact that I find Michael Caine to be a disgusting human being doesn't help, either). I don't know if you've found it yet, but the Bespoke series is one of my favs - Merlin/Harry/Eggsy, with Merlin and Harry as a very long established couple with a most unusual relationship (one that makes epic sense in the context of their business).
As I just replied on a comment on AO3, I had not really thought much about Neal's actual history before this moment - it's kind of a set up for what happens after V-Day - but the more I think about it, the more I'm interested in writing Harry/Neal. I'm not sure if there's anything more than friendship between Merlin and Neal, ever - because I do see this as eventual Peter/Neal - depending on how angsty/sad it's going to get. If I decide not to go Peter/Neal, I just may go Neal/Merlin with lots and lots of edging.
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2017-08-14 12:56 am (UTC)Thanks for the rec!
no subject
Date: 2017-08-13 08:38 pm (UTC)I had to watch a lot of it between my fingers...especially when the slicer lady was on screen. :D
no subject
Date: 2017-08-13 08:41 pm (UTC)Yeah, there are definitely scenes I fast-forward through (the exploding heads) and Gazelle in the beginning, but it's an awesome movie and so much fun.
Neal going through Kingsman training is the ONLY explanation I now accept for all his incredible talents.
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2017-08-13 08:51 pm (UTC)But man, I should probably rewatch the movie since I only remember bits ad pieces :P
no subject
Date: 2017-08-13 09:04 pm (UTC)You must! You must! And then we can squee and share Spy!Neal headcanons!!!!!!!!! (The non-explody kind).
Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2017-08-14 01:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-08-14 01:31 pm (UTC)Thank you! That will happen.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-21 11:54 pm (UTC)I finally watched Kingsman just this weekend (partly due to seeing the trailer for the sequel when I went to the cinema last week, partly due to it only having a couple days left streaming on Netflix, and partly cos I saw this when you posted it!) :D
Anyway this is such a great crossover set up! Loved the interaction with Merlin. And Neal's thoughts on liking the idea of the shiny parts of being with Kingsman but knowing it's probably not right for him <3
no subject
Date: 2017-08-22 12:07 am (UTC)Thank you! As soon as I started thinking about it, the more I realized that Neal is, in fact, the perfect Kingsman - except for the killing and punching bits. And of course Neal would NEVER kill a dog!
You're lucky - Kingsman isn't on Netflix here.
no subject
Date: 2017-08-22 09:28 pm (UTC)I think I'd be curious to see how Neal fits in with The Statesmen, now that we know it's a thing. They're less refined and more rough-and-tumble, everything Neal isn't, but maybe that's what makes it interesting, you know? But really, I'm up for reading anything you write in this 'verse, coz it's kinda (read: totally) amazing. ;)
no subject
Date: 2017-08-22 10:29 pm (UTC)Thank you so very much! And yeah - COLIN FIRTH (and MARK STRONG - fans herself). And it's funny, but every time I see Colin in a suit for the Golden Circle trailers, I have to take a second look and convince myself that this isn't Tim DeKay (pants).
I am actually half-dreading the sequel and The Statesmen. But I so want to see Harry and Eggsy back in the saddle, with Merlin watching (when you see Kingsman, you'll know just what I mean.)