elrhiarhodan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elrhiarhodan) wrote2015-04-07 12:54 pm
elrhiarhodan) wrote2015-04-07 12:54 pm
White Collar Ficlet - A Friend To Predators
Title: A Friend To Predators
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Mozzie, Peter Burke, Elizabeth Burke, Neal Caffrey
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Crack
Word Count: ~400
Beta Credit: None
Summary: Neal frequently turns into a seal point Siamese. At the full moon, Peter becomes a bone-eating vulture. Whenever she wants, Elizabeth transforms into a tiger – the big furry kind with teeth and claws. So, what does Mozzie become?
A/N: Thank you again to my enabler-in-chief,sinfulslasher, who sent me the GIF at the bottom of the story with a single word in the subject line: "Mozzie?" And thanks to her, this is only of many stories to come in the new 'verse, "The On-Going Adventures of the White Collar Were-Creatures".
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It wasn't fair, damn it!
His best friend and partner in crime, his most teachable student, Neal Caffrey, turned into an elegant Siamese cat on a regular basis. He stole panties, captured laser targets, drooled from too much catnip and got endless cuddles from the Suits when he wasn't face-deep in his own furry groin, licking his balls.
At least once a month, Peter – the Suit – soared through the canyons of New York as a lammergeyer, a bone-eating vulture. He'd feast on the bones that he – Mozzie – arranged for his dining pleasure. It wasn't that easy getting whole leg bones from the butcher for Peter to drop onto the stone outcroppings along the Taconic. There just weren't too many meat packing plants left in the metropolitan area. He had to go to New Jersey, and do someone a few favors to get them.
And of course, Elizabeth frequently turned into a were-tiger of fearsome and beautiful proportions. Like Neal, her transformations weren't dictated by the phases of moon, but she did require a lot of red meat. Preferably filet mignon. From waygu-raised beef. Which meant more favors he had to do for Pat from New Jersey.
And for his pains, his attention to his friends' needs, he got his own transformation.
He didn't turn into some splendid predator. A wolf would have been nice, or even a big dog with a bite like a steel trap. Or maybe a bear. Or even a snapping turtle. But if he couldn't be a predator, then maybe he could transform into an alpaca with luxurious eyelashes and the power to spit in someone's eye from thirty yards away.
But no, he didn't transform into a bear or a wolf or a snapping turtle, or even an alpaca with deadly aim. When the moon went dark, he changed into an albino chinchilla, a small furry creature with absolutely no defenses and an unholy love for pesto-in-a-tube. And if that wasn't bad enough, he left his poops all over the place.
At least he transformed on nights when his predator friends were in their human state and could take care of him.
And feed him the food of the gods.
FIN
Author:
elrhiarhodanFandom: White Collar
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Mozzie, Peter Burke, Elizabeth Burke, Neal Caffrey
Spoilers: None
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: Crack
Word Count: ~400
Beta Credit: None
Summary: Neal frequently turns into a seal point Siamese. At the full moon, Peter becomes a bone-eating vulture. Whenever she wants, Elizabeth transforms into a tiger – the big furry kind with teeth and claws. So, what does Mozzie become?
A/N: Thank you again to my enabler-in-chief,
sinfulslasher, who sent me the GIF at the bottom of the story with a single word in the subject line: "Mozzie?" And thanks to her, this is only of many stories to come in the new 'verse, "The On-Going Adventures of the White Collar Were-Creatures".It wasn't fair, damn it!
His best friend and partner in crime, his most teachable student, Neal Caffrey, turned into an elegant Siamese cat on a regular basis. He stole panties, captured laser targets, drooled from too much catnip and got endless cuddles from the Suits when he wasn't face-deep in his own furry groin, licking his balls.
At least once a month, Peter – the Suit – soared through the canyons of New York as a lammergeyer, a bone-eating vulture. He'd feast on the bones that he – Mozzie – arranged for his dining pleasure. It wasn't that easy getting whole leg bones from the butcher for Peter to drop onto the stone outcroppings along the Taconic. There just weren't too many meat packing plants left in the metropolitan area. He had to go to New Jersey, and do someone a few favors to get them.
And of course, Elizabeth frequently turned into a were-tiger of fearsome and beautiful proportions. Like Neal, her transformations weren't dictated by the phases of moon, but she did require a lot of red meat. Preferably filet mignon. From waygu-raised beef. Which meant more favors he had to do for Pat from New Jersey.
And for his pains, his attention to his friends' needs, he got his own transformation.
He didn't turn into some splendid predator. A wolf would have been nice, or even a big dog with a bite like a steel trap. Or maybe a bear. Or even a snapping turtle. But if he couldn't be a predator, then maybe he could transform into an alpaca with luxurious eyelashes and the power to spit in someone's eye from thirty yards away.
But no, he didn't transform into a bear or a wolf or a snapping turtle, or even an alpaca with deadly aim. When the moon went dark, he changed into an albino chinchilla, a small furry creature with absolutely no defenses and an unholy love for pesto-in-a-tube. And if that wasn't bad enough, he left his poops all over the place.
At least he transformed on nights when his predator friends were in their human state and could take care of him.
And feed him the food of the gods.
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This is hilarious!!! I love it :D I can feel Mozzie's jealousy, and righteous anger, and eventual resignation to his fate.
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Thank you!
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Oh this is so perfect. Mozzie as a chinchilla is just divine!
There needs so much more in this verse!
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There is more coming, if
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There's definitely more to come.
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Really love this, and the gif -- *giggles helplessly*
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It's my mission to make as many people as possible giggle helplessly.
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I think Mozzie as an albino chinchilla is perfect!
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And it's perfect for Moz. I think his human self is slightly appalled by his love for pesto-in-a-tube, but he also understands that some things can't be helped.
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BOW BEFORE ME!!! :D :D :D
*pats self on back, all pleased with self*
(Imagine if Mozzie would turn into a pigeon instead. He could have an affair with Estelle!)
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And somehow, I find the idea of Moz as a pigeon having sex with Estelle vaguely disturbing.
Which reminds me of this:
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Totally.
(Always loved that pic of Matty. *smishes him*)
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I can definitely see Mozzie in that chinchilla.
I also totally love that Mozzie arranges "presents" for Peter and Elizabeth. He doesn't have to do that, almost certainly isn't expected to do that -- but it's so Mozzie.
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Moz is a true friend to predators - he loves knowing that he can meet their needs, no matter how outrageous. He also knows that they might eat him, too.
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Yes, that GIF is insanely perfect.
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Cutest story to accompany the most adorable gif of EVER!
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Thank you so very much.
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And the way that chinchilla's following that tube? Reminds me of how one of our cats used to be about the tube of hairball-preventative gel that we had. We had to *hide* the tube most of the time, or he'd attack it when we weren't looking!!
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I am also most delighted to have made you (and others) smile!
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Yes, totally the most adorable thing ever. And absolutely, perfectly Mozzie!
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And the gif is perfect :D
Poor Mozzie. *Hugs.
:D
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By that definition, Moz is a giant amongst chinchillas!
Thank you.
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