White Collar Ficlet - Cold Stillness (WC100 #225 - Give)

[elrhiarhodan]

Title: Cold Stillness
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Neal Caffrey
Prompt: #225 - Give
Spoilers: S6.06 – Au Revoir
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: None
Word Count: ~300
Beta Credit: None
Summary: Freedom may cost more than Neal can give.

A/N: See spoilery Author's Note at the end. Also, created in response to Day 6 of the Fandom Snowflake Challenge

__________________



Cold and still, Neal holds tight to the dream of freedom.

He can hear Moz denying the truth of his eyes. He can hear Peter comforting the other man, telling him that he needs to look, to face reality, all the while his own voice breaking from grief.

Neal lies there; his heart barely beating and wonders if his freedom is worth the pain he's giving the people who love him.

It has to be. This to give himself a new life, a chance to find out if he can stand on his own, be the man he used to dream about, to one who does the right things for the right reasons.

Neal lies there and pretends he's dead and listens to his friends grieve. He can't stop their tears, even if he wants to. The poison he's dosed himself with has frozen his muscles, extra insurance to help see him through this last moment.

But it's so damn hard not to cry. He can feel the tears start to well and he hopes that Peter and Moz are not looking at him. He hears their ragged breaths, Moz's muttered denials, Peter's gasping sob. And then finally, the sound of footsteps and the door opening and closing.

The medical team he'd paid well to cover for him rushes in through another door to keep him alive. They flush the toxin from his blood and he can move again.

But his has to move quickly. A car takes him to Teterboro and he's on a private jet and in the air within an hour of his "death".

The plane circles Manhattan once and Neal can finally cry as his home disappears forever.

Freedom is a gift. He keeps telling himself that.

One day, he'll believe it.

FIN

Author's Note: In the final scene of the finale, when Peter's gaze drifts over the clues Neal's left for him, the camera stops on the image of a puffer fish – which is the clue to what Neal used to appear "dead". Puffer fish liver has tetrodotoxin, a poison that causes paralysis, but the victim remains conscious but cannot speak or move. Neal would have heard everything that Peter and Moz said in that cold room.

Comments

[ladygray99]

Just got to watch the final literally two minutes ago. I felt so bad for Peter and Mozzie. I'm glad Neal was finally able to 'tell' Peter.

[lov-pb.livejournal.com]

Was it worth it , Neal? I'm still not sure.
Expertly written.

[miri-thompson.livejournal.com]

Oooh--what an eerie and gut-wrenching glimpse into what Neal must have been thinking and feeling at that moment. Excellent!

[hurinhouse.livejournal.com]

I had no idea a person would still be awake, let alone aware. yes that would be torture. well done.

[kanarek13]

Yes, awwww... This. Yeah, I completely agree that Neal was conscious and has heard all of it. Which makes the whole scene even more heartbreaking *clings*

[catcrazy5.livejournal.com]

Wow. The puffer fish hint certainly got by me. Your story makes it all even more sad, but it is believable. Poor Neal and his choices.

[turtlebaby-02.livejournal.com]

Christ and now I'm crying again. Like, I know how puffer fish toxins work, theoretically of course, and I caught the idea while watching but I haven't let myself realize how damn HARD it had to be for NEAL. I've spent the last few weeks being angry at him. I hated that.

This is worse. How hard would if have been to hear your friends deny your death while looking at your body? And then to just just... walk away? God, Neal. I think I've forgiven him.

I need to stop being so attached to fictional characters.

[pipilj.livejournal.com]

Eep poor Neal, I don't think he expected his friends to grieve quite this much.

[theatregirl7299]

Oh my...

Simply chilling and heartbreaking.

Beautiful

[ladyrose42.livejournal.com]

My achy breaky heart, you get our hearstrings

[daria234.livejournal.com]

Ooh what an interesting idea that Neal could hear them! This is great.

[sherylyn]

As hard as I know it was for Peter, Mozzie, El and everyone else, I've also thought all along (even without thinking of Neal being conscious) how horrible and hard it would be for Neal during that horrible year, too.

They all sacrificed and hurt and grieved -- they were just doing so about different things.

Thanks for this.

[riverotter1951.livejournal.com]

Wow. Interesting about puffer fish poison. You have captured Neal's emotions perfectly as well as the lingering question: if his freedom is worth the pain he's giving the people who love him. A question that will probably haunt his life and even his dreams.

[maryrose-it.livejournal.com]

I was wonder about the tetradotoxin too but the collateral effects are too painful and then there isn't an antidote yet and the cure are very invasive and long so ...is tv and finction in real life is too risky and to dose himself extremely dangerous because the time reaction could be 20 minutes or 3 hours ...
So maybe a cocktail of drugs under doctor supervision are a better solution..
Amazing story anyway..

[sapphire2309]

Oh, Neal. *hugs him*

[palombaggia.livejournal.com]

Hmmm crying again. Beautiful story though.

[leesa_perrie]

Wonderful! All the angst - and that last line was perfect *hugs them all*

[joy2190.livejournal.com]

Agh, you're tearing me apart!

[eldorah.livejournal.com]

Awww, wow. So heartbreaking and beautiful!