White Collar Ficlet - You Can't Tame The Wind (Paladin 'Verse)

[elrhiarhodan]

Title: You Can’t Tame the Wind
Author: elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Peter Burke, Neal Caffrey (Peter/Elizabeth/Neal)
Spoilers: Various episode references, no late S4 spoilers
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: None
Word Count: ~500
Summary: Peter can’t stop worry about the risks Neal takes.

A/N: Published as birthday fic for my very dear friend, doctor_fangeek, and based on a prompt she gave me in a long-ago prompt fest. Consider this to be part of the Paladin ‘Verse. Updated and significantly expanded for hc_bingo, Round 4, for the square "Forced to Face Fear".

__________________



For as long as he’d known Neal, Peter understood that the man thrived on danger. Neal may have disliked guns and had a strong aversion to violence, but he was also something of an adrenaline junkie. After all, the first time they met face to face, hadn’t Neal jumped off the Rialto Bridge in Venice? And the second time, didn’t he defenestrate himself in Prague?

Prison might have taught him a lot of things, but caution wasn’t one of them.

Peter stopped counting the number of near-heart attacks Neal had given him, but seeing him leap out the window of judge’s fourth-story chambers and jump between the Roosevelt Island tram cars were in the top ten. He hadn’t seen it, and he still wasn’t sure he believed it either, but even the thought of Neal parachuting off a forty-ninth floor penthouse was enough to make him wish he had one of those little spray canisters of nitroglycerine that men with heart conditions carry.

Still, as much as Neal took terrible risks, there was always a point to them – usually to escape from the consequences of his own folly (or thievery) – but sometimes to save lives. In a way, Peter understood Neal’s actions – they made Neal, well, Neal. The man he loved almost as much as he loved his life.

It was a terrible dichotomy – he hated the thought of Neal in jeopardy. But taming Neal, turning him into someone who thought more about his personal safety than about doing the right thing, would be like caging a great cat. Not just caging it, but declawing it and pulling its teeth and making it into some kind of vegetarian.

It was a problem that kept him up for way too many nights. Like tonight, after watching Neal draw a gunman’s fire, getting shot in the process. Thank god for that bulletproof vest. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be here, in this bed – the three of them – satiated and safe.

He rolled over and tried to still his unquiet mind.

“What’s the matter?” Neal leaned up on one elbow, speaking in a nearly inaudible whisper.

“Nothing.” Peter rolled to his other side, facing towards El now. Thank goodness his wife slept like the dead.

“It’s not nothing.”

He tried to ignore the hand on his shoulder, the warm, smooth palm trying to give him some comfort. He heard Neal sigh and the covers shifted as he relaxed back against the pillows. Peter tried to let the tension uncoil, but how could it when Neal spooned against him and said, “I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

But how could he? How could he try to tame the wind?

FIN

Comments

[embroiderama]

Beautiful--just beautiful. I love the way Peter sees Neal here.

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you!

I do think Neal's risk-taking keeps Peter up at night, even if Neal's not in his bed.

[kanarek13]

Oh, poor Peter. I can only imagine how he feels. And I believe Neal in a way is in a similar situation. Neither of them want the other to take risks but at the same time they understand why they take these risks. Feels like no way out, awwww...

Always, thank you for postingand feeding my reading addiction :D

[elrhiarhodan]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{YOU}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

They probably both drive each other crazy - and El even more so...

But at least Peter doesn't jump between trams suspended 200 feet above the East River!

[ladygray99]

I have so much love for this series, and Peter is in a bit of a tricky place just with Neal's personality.

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you so much!

[sinfulslasher]

Wow, this was heart-wrenchingly beautiful. And so very, very true.

One of the things I love about Peter is that he understands Neal's nature and would never try to change him. A more law-abiding Neal would be appreciated, I'm sure, but only as long as it's still Neal.

Loved it!!!

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you!

Yes, Peter does understand Neal, and why he does what he does.

[teaboyfan.livejournal.com]

This is a very insightful piece. Love always leaves you vulnerable, and when the people involved are Neal and Peter I can only imagine how Elizabeth feels every time they walk out the door. In a way, she has it worse than they do simply because she doesn't share the same level of danger - until Keller kidnaps her. But she wouldn't change them, and they wouldn't change each other. No matter how strong your protective instincts, you can't wrap even your children in cotton wool, much less other adults.

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you so very much.

And you're right - you can't protect everyone from every danger.

[lov-pb.livejournal.com]

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
William Arthur Ward

Lovely ficlet. How can you not adore these two men! You captured their vulnerability.

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you so very much!

[damietta.livejournal.com]

Trying to tame the wind is an excellent phrase for Peter and Neal. You always manage to paint something unique about them!

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you so very much.

[doctor-fangeek.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday to me! :-)

I remember this piece from Promptfest - I loved it then, and I love it just as much now. Beautiful & poignant. Thanks so much.

[elrhiarhodan]

I hope you had a very happy birthday (and didn't have to spend it rounding up the virgins).

[daria234.livejournal.com]

Love this. I really love that it shows that there really is a tension between wanted to change Neal and accepting him for who he is, and that in a sense Peter does want Neal in some respects to be less than he is (less bold, less reckless, less Neal-like). LOL wish canon at times would show more of this ambivalence. Anyway, great fic.

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you so very much.

And yes, sometimes canon falls short in the emotional component.

[kerrylang.livejournal.com]

Love it!!!

That's exactly the friction between the two oft them. Neal takes risks because he can't help himself and Peter is always dying thousand deaths. But he can't change the guy because that is what Neal is all about. And Peter even loves Neal for it as well, even though he sometimes wants to kick bis ass for taking those risks.

Thanks for writing and sharing, can't wait for more.

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you so much!

And you're right - this is what drives their relationship, even in canon.

[dennih23.livejournal.com]

This is their story in a strange way, Peter wants Neal to be a better person (take less risks, stop stealing); but at the same time he likes Neal the way he is and doesn’t want to change a thing. I think as fans we all know Neal is unlawful, but we would not want him any other way.

[elrhiarhodan]

Yeah - this is very much canon (except for Neal being in bed with Peter and Elizabeth, of course).

There's always the balance between the Neal we love and the Neal we want him to become.

[maiac.livejournal.com]

OH PETER. So much feeling, and he has such a hard time expressing it.

Does Neal guess that Peter is restless because of him? I hope he knows it's love and not just, y'know, "What will Neal do next time?"

(Oh dear. Neal defenestrating himself in Prague made me giggle. I love a good obscure historical reference!)

[elrhiarhodan]

I do love my well-educated flist. At least Neal didn't land in a cart of horse manure!

Oh, Neal knows it's love. That's a given.

[miri-thompson.livejournal.com]

Wow--I think you captured what Peter must think about the risks Neal takes perfectly, not to mention all his love, affection and appreciation for the man. Beautiful!

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you so very much. I do think that these are Peter's thoughts, whether or not Neal's in his bed.

[sallymn.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, that's Neal all right... and Peter so understands that...

[elrhiarhodan]

Yup - that's Neal, in any 'verse, in any incarnation. And Peter, too.

Thank you!

[pipilj.livejournal.com]

Loved reading things from Peter's POV. It made for a delightful read. Loved the last line

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you so very much.

[hurinhouse.livejournal.com]

nodding. so true. this is neal to a T. but I love how you made it into something tender and cautious between them, even though neal doesn't know what it is.

[elrhiarhodan]

Thank you!

Neal worries about Peter, just as much - but I think his fears are less choate, more nebulous.