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elrhiarhodanTitle: Answers of the Heart - Chapter Five
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar RPS
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Tim DeKay, Matt Bomer (as imaginary characters)
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: None
Word Count: ~700
Summary: Continues the story and events from Three Chapters in an Epic Never Written and The Fourth Chapter. Written for Day Seven of the Eight Days of Fic-can-ukah, forcoffeethyme4me. Her prompt was, "There Are Some Answers You Should Know By Heart".
A/N: No beta. All mistakes are mine and mine alone.
__________________
Sometime between the end of night and the start of a new day, Tim leaves Matt sleeping in his bed and goes to wash away the stains of the night. He looks at himself in the mirror - the exterior is the same. Same face, same body. Matt had been careful to leave no marks on him, and he had done the same. But the landscape of his heart is irrevocably changed.
In almost two decades of marriage, he has never stepped out on Elisa. She is his lodestar and cheating on her is as improbable as walking on water.
And yet, he has. Tim doesn’t know what is worse, loving his wife and sleeping with another man, or loving Matt and doing everything he has to do to hide that feeling, to stop the wanting.
This love, this need, this desire should not have survived the light of day. The storm is gone - blown out to sea maybe - but the storm inside him lingers, casting wreckage on the shore of his soul.
The water scalds him, but it doesn’t wash away his sins. Tim is startled when the shower door slides open and Matt joins him. All he can see, through the swirling steam are blue eyes and dark hair. The creature of his dreams, and his nightmares, too. Matt plucks the soap out of his hand and washes him, leaving nothing untouched. He serves him and that alone is enough to arouse Tim unbearably. But this time, he doesn’t touch Matt, he remains passive, as if that would be enough to expiate the guilt.
It doesn’t, of course not. And when he comes down Matt’s throat, the guilt is briefly replaced with joy.
Tim leaves Matt in the shower and gets dressed. He checks his phone, there’s no signal and he doesn’t know if he should be relieved that he doesn’t have to talk with Elisa or his children. But as guilty as he feels, he knows it would be worse if he let them worry. He checks his laptop, and the Internet is alive and buzzing. There are a few messages from his family and he responds. They are all still asleep - he’ll Skype with them after the sun rises in California. He sits on the couch and watches the sky lighten.
He hears the water turns off and Matt comes out, wearing only a towel and a serious expression. He sits across from him and says the words that shatter his soul. “I regret nothing. I never will. I love Simon as much as you love Elisa. I love my children. But I love you, too.”
Tim closes his eyes - maybe if he doesn’t see Matt, so achingly beautiful, he can regain some sense of self. It doesn’t work. “You know I love you. That’s the only reason for this.”
“You feel guilty.”
“I think that’s obvious.”
“And you wish you’d let me drown out there.”
“Jesus! No - no. I wouldn’t take back last night, never. It’s just …” Tim’s at a loss for words. He’s lost control and there’s nothing to hang onto anymore. “How do we go on?”
Matt’s face is so utterly serious. “I don’t know - but I know I don’t want to give you up.”
Tim is shaken. “Is that even an option?”
“There are some answers you should know by heart.”
The sun breaks over the skyline and pours through the window, a hot gold bar slowly moving across the floor.
He gives up the fight, loses the war before a single shot is fired. “What we have, it happens here, only here. In New York, in this apartment. We see each other in California, we’re on set - we’re good friends, we’re professionals. No secret looks, no sneaking off. We play by these rules or it’s over.
“You think I can’t be discrete, Tim?”
“No, I think I can’t. I think that it’s all I can do to keep from shouting my feeling from the rooftop.”
Matt reaches over and touches his hand. “We’re crazy, aren’t we?”
“Yeah. But we can make this work, right?”
Matt kisses him. “We have to.”
FIN
Author:
elrhiarhodanFandom: White Collar RPS
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Tim DeKay, Matt Bomer (as imaginary characters)
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: None
Word Count: ~700
Summary: Continues the story and events from Three Chapters in an Epic Never Written and The Fourth Chapter. Written for Day Seven of the Eight Days of Fic-can-ukah, for
coffeethyme4me. Her prompt was, "There Are Some Answers You Should Know By Heart".A/N: No beta. All mistakes are mine and mine alone.
Sometime between the end of night and the start of a new day, Tim leaves Matt sleeping in his bed and goes to wash away the stains of the night. He looks at himself in the mirror - the exterior is the same. Same face, same body. Matt had been careful to leave no marks on him, and he had done the same. But the landscape of his heart is irrevocably changed.
In almost two decades of marriage, he has never stepped out on Elisa. She is his lodestar and cheating on her is as improbable as walking on water.
And yet, he has. Tim doesn’t know what is worse, loving his wife and sleeping with another man, or loving Matt and doing everything he has to do to hide that feeling, to stop the wanting.
This love, this need, this desire should not have survived the light of day. The storm is gone - blown out to sea maybe - but the storm inside him lingers, casting wreckage on the shore of his soul.
The water scalds him, but it doesn’t wash away his sins. Tim is startled when the shower door slides open and Matt joins him. All he can see, through the swirling steam are blue eyes and dark hair. The creature of his dreams, and his nightmares, too. Matt plucks the soap out of his hand and washes him, leaving nothing untouched. He serves him and that alone is enough to arouse Tim unbearably. But this time, he doesn’t touch Matt, he remains passive, as if that would be enough to expiate the guilt.
It doesn’t, of course not. And when he comes down Matt’s throat, the guilt is briefly replaced with joy.
Tim leaves Matt in the shower and gets dressed. He checks his phone, there’s no signal and he doesn’t know if he should be relieved that he doesn’t have to talk with Elisa or his children. But as guilty as he feels, he knows it would be worse if he let them worry. He checks his laptop, and the Internet is alive and buzzing. There are a few messages from his family and he responds. They are all still asleep - he’ll Skype with them after the sun rises in California. He sits on the couch and watches the sky lighten.
He hears the water turns off and Matt comes out, wearing only a towel and a serious expression. He sits across from him and says the words that shatter his soul. “I regret nothing. I never will. I love Simon as much as you love Elisa. I love my children. But I love you, too.”
Tim closes his eyes - maybe if he doesn’t see Matt, so achingly beautiful, he can regain some sense of self. It doesn’t work. “You know I love you. That’s the only reason for this.”
“You feel guilty.”
“I think that’s obvious.”
“And you wish you’d let me drown out there.”
“Jesus! No - no. I wouldn’t take back last night, never. It’s just …” Tim’s at a loss for words. He’s lost control and there’s nothing to hang onto anymore. “How do we go on?”
Matt’s face is so utterly serious. “I don’t know - but I know I don’t want to give you up.”
Tim is shaken. “Is that even an option?”
“There are some answers you should know by heart.”
The sun breaks over the skyline and pours through the window, a hot gold bar slowly moving across the floor.
He gives up the fight, loses the war before a single shot is fired. “What we have, it happens here, only here. In New York, in this apartment. We see each other in California, we’re on set - we’re good friends, we’re professionals. No secret looks, no sneaking off. We play by these rules or it’s over.
“You think I can’t be discrete, Tim?”
“No, I think I can’t. I think that it’s all I can do to keep from shouting my feeling from the rooftop.”
Matt reaches over and touches his hand. “We’re crazy, aren’t we?”
“Yeah. But we can make this work, right?”
Matt kisses him. “We have to.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-12-26 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-26 06:58 pm (UTC)Don't know where it's going to go from here - but without some intervention, there is definitely disaster in the works.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-26 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-26 06:53 pm (UTC)<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
no subject
Date: 2011-12-26 06:57 pm (UTC)Was it worth the wait?
no subject
Date: 2011-12-26 07:07 pm (UTC)I did not like this story. I loved it. You made me tear up. And then I literally just sat here, unsure what to say. They are so beautiful to me.
I think I may attempt to write that thing I told you about yesterday as a thank you. I'm so grateful for this and YOU.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-27 07:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-27 12:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-30 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-28 05:56 am (UTC)*dares to peak to se if there is more*;)
no subject
Date: 2012-10-29 03:37 pm (UTC)