Fantastic! I'm a Neal!Torture whore and this was nicely done. Most fics I've seen don't do torture and when there is something of graphic nature it isn't described almost at all (in any fandom). So this was very nice. I can't really say anything else - I just love it. I like the that Peter didn't really reach Neal "on time" and you didn't make Neal a complete wuss or exceedingly strong. Neal's thinking at the beginning to get Collins to hit him on camera was defiantly what I think he would do on the show as well.
If you're interested in constructive criticism, then read on (if not... well.. ignore the following lol!) I know my face isn't known around this White Collar fandom, so if it helps my credibility I DO have experience writing and reading things of this nature since it's one of the only genres I like. Therefore you can rest assured that I'm not just a random person pulling shtick out my ass. XP
I feel that Peter showing up *just* as Neal was done being raped seemed a little cliche. The "rescue" would have probably been better placed either during the rape (even almost done but not completely finished) OR afterwards... like Collins takes some time to go get "cleaned up" leaving Neal there to fester in pain for a while and either then or as Collins comes back is when Peter shows up. It's the same premise as horror stories always happen on a dark and stormy night or in some ominous house - it works but could work better. Not saying it wouldn't happen like that, but since the rescue is tagged on right afterwards it seems the rape is there for angst value rather then part of the story as a whole. Then again, since it's from Neal's detached POV the lack of focus on it also works for it as well.
But that's just my opinion. =) And this story is really old so this comment is hardly important. Just honestly this story is fantastic!
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Date: 2013-02-10 06:56 am (UTC)If you're interested in constructive criticism, then read on (if not... well.. ignore the following lol!) I know my face isn't known around this White Collar fandom, so if it helps my credibility I DO have experience writing and reading things of this nature since it's one of the only genres I like. Therefore you can rest assured that I'm not just a random person pulling shtick out my ass. XP
I feel that Peter showing up *just* as Neal was done being raped seemed a little cliche. The "rescue" would have probably been better placed either during the rape (even almost done but not completely finished) OR afterwards... like Collins takes some time to go get "cleaned up" leaving Neal there to fester in pain for a while and either then or as Collins comes back is when Peter shows up.
It's the same premise as horror stories always happen on a dark and stormy night or in some ominous house - it works but could work better.
Not saying it wouldn't happen like that, but since the rescue is tagged on right afterwards it seems the rape is there for angst value rather then part of the story as a whole. Then again, since it's from Neal's detached POV the lack of focus on it also works for it as well.
But that's just my opinion. =) And this story is really old so this comment is hardly important. Just honestly this story is fantastic!