This is an amazing story and I really enjoyed it. Your characterization is perfect, and the reader can really get a sense of what Neal and Peter are feeling.
But as a bit of concrit, at one point you wrote "What if I said I <
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This is an amazing story and I really enjoyed it. Your characterization is perfect, and the reader can really get a sense of what Neal and Peter are feeling.
But as a bit of concrit, at one point you wrote "What if I said I <<isn't>> planning on leaving? At least, not permanently.” Neal’s voice is carefully neutral. Peter looks up, finally, and his face is as neutral as his voice.
“What would you think if I said I <<is>> going to stay in New York?”
And it should be "I wasn't planning" and "I was going". I'm totally sure that's just an honest mistake, I make them all the time when I go back and reword something and those mistakes are hard to fix because after reading something enough it all starts to blur together...
But I just thought I'd point it out because it kinda threw me out of the fic a little, and this is so amazing otherwise that I knew it wasn't on purpose. :)
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Date: 2011-01-26 04:27 pm (UTC)But as a bit of concrit, at one point you wrote "What if I said I <
But as a bit of concrit, at one point you wrote "What if I said I <<isn't>> planning on leaving? At least, not permanently.” Neal’s voice is carefully neutral. Peter looks up, finally, and his face is as neutral as his voice.
“What would you think if I said I <<is>> going to stay in New York?”
And it should be "I wasn't planning" and "I was going". I'm totally sure that's just an honest mistake, I make them all the time when I go back and reword something and those mistakes are hard to fix because after reading something enough it all starts to blur together...
But I just thought I'd point it out because it kinda threw me out of the fic a little, and this is so amazing otherwise that I knew it wasn't on purpose. :)