elrhiarhodan: (S3 Promo - Neal and Peter Standing)
[personal profile] elrhiarhodan
Title: The Good And Bad in Everyone (this is mine to remember)
Author: [livejournal.com profile] elrhiarhodan
Fandom: White Collar
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Elizabeth Burke, Peter Burke, Neal Caffrey, Peter/Elizabeth,
Spoilers: 3.11 - Checkmate, 3.12 - Upper West Side Story
Warnings/Enticements/Triggers: None
Word Count: ~3200
Summary: Peter’s comment about Neal always getting rewarded for doing the wrong thing troubles Elizabeth, and Peter comes to realize what his friendship with Neal means.

An episode tag to that conversation between Peter and El in 3.12, and I’m still trying to fix Peter’s mistake at the end of 2.16.



A/N: Beta’d by my lovely friends, [livejournal.com profile] coffeethyme4me and [livejournal.com profile] jrosemary, all mistakes are mine and mine alone. Your comments are always adored and appreciated. Title from the lyrics to Annie Lennox’ “A Thousand Beautiful Things.”

__________________


They were sitting on the patio, the cicadas buzzing in the gentle heat of an urban summer night. Elizabeth took a sip from the glass of red wine that Peter handed to her and let herself just relax. Before everything – before the kidnapping, she never had to do that quite so deliberately. She never had to tell herself it was safe to just be.

Before this, she had never understood Peter’s obsessive need for vigilance. Now, she did.

But it was okay. She knew she was safe. She knew the danger had passed. And even if it hadn’t, she knew to the depth of her bones that Peter would move heaven and earth to protect her. That’s just the way he was, and that was fine. He was her rock, and she was his. They protected and supported each other in different ways.

Tonight, it didn’t take too much effort to see that Peter was upset. Well, upset may have been too strong of a word. Irritated would be more accurate. It was probably Neal – wasn’t it always Neal?

So she asked and Peter gave her the rundown.

“I walk into the classroom and the girls were all glassy-eyed – like they saw that kid from those vampire movies.”

She still couldn’t quite see why Peter was so irritated - Neal’s charisma was nothing new and he had certainly depended on it over the years. So, instead of asking if Neal sparkled in the sunlight, she just said, “I bet you Neal would be a good teacher.”

For some reason, that set Peter off even further. “Which will validate him even more.”

Still puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“It’s a pattern. Neal misbehaves, but because he’s Neal, he doesn’t face the consequences and he gets a gold star for it.”

Those words rang in her head – they didn’t feel right or true, but the conversation turned to Keller and the treasure and she was surprisingly okay about it. The first few times she heard his name mentioned, she had gotten a sick little twist in her belly, but that stopped. It wasn’t as if she forgot about the kidnapping, or the man’s malevolent intent. It was that he was in jail, facing a life sentence for his crimes.

“As far as I’m concerned, the right man is behind bars.”

Peter’s startled look surprised her. Was he really thinking about sending Neal back to prison and letting Keller get off for what he did?

Yes, the man was still facing charges for arranging Peter’s kidnapping last year. Yes, he still had to stand trial for the murder of Neal and Mozzie’s friend. And he still had to serve out his original manslaughter sentence. But the thought of Keller getting away with what he did to her was truly upsetting.

And so was the thought of Neal losing his freedom, such as it was.

Peter’s words followed her through the next day. She kept hearing him say, He doesn’t face the consequences and he gets a gold star for it. And try as she might, she couldn’t shake the feeling that her husband was dead wrong.

The case wrapped up, and she had a good laugh when he told her about Diana playing his girlfriend and the imminent arrival of Peter, Jr.’s baby brother. The villain of the piece sounded like something out of a Scooby-Doo cartoon; from the way Peter described him, she wouldn’t have been surprised if he shook his fist and called them all meddling kids. Of course, there was a lot that Peter wasn’t telling her - and she could only guess that Peter had been in some danger. After twelve years of marriage, she learned not to ask about certain things. Not if she wanted to sleep at night.

“So - how did Neal do? Were all the girls still starry-eyed?”

Her husband gave her a noncommittal grunt.

“What’s up?”

“Neal …” Peter shook his head in bemused frustration. “He was … stellar. He listened to me, he stuck to the plan, and he came through when he was supposed to.”

“Just like almost every other case, hon?” She had to laugh.

That earned her a sharp look. “No - not like every other case. Neal’s always doing end runs around procedures. Half the time I don’t know why I don’t strangle him.”

“Really?” She put a whole lot of skepticism into that one word.

“What do you mean, really? He drives me crazy all the time. He never follows orders, he never listens to me.”

She just looked at Peter, one eyebrow raised in disbelief.

“What? Okay, so I’m exaggerating. But Neal – he constantly makes things far more complicated than they should be.”

She had to ask - not because she wanted to change Peter’s mind, but to make the point her husband seemed to be missing. “And if he makes your life so miserable, why haven’t you just put him back in prison? Surely there must be some provision in his contract for that.” When Peter didn’t answer, she coated the next sentence in a deep layer of sarcasm. “God knows, not having to hear you complain about Neal at dinner every night would be a relief.”

Peter didn’t say a word at first. It was interesting to watch the tide of red flood up from his neck, over his face and into his hairline. “What’s your point, El?”

“The other night, you were so aggravated when I said that Neal would make a good teacher - that it would ‘validate’ him. That he does the wrong thing and gets rewarded for it.”

“That wasn’t exactly what I said, hon.”

“No, but it was close. And you’re wrong.”

“What do you mean? You know how Neal is.”

“Neal may do the wrong thing for the right reasons, but I can’t see where he’s ever been particularly rewarded.”

Peter opened his mouth, closed it again. Started to say something and changed his mind.

“You can’t even give me an example of that, can you?”

“He got out of an extra four years of prison.”

“To work for you, to routinely put himself in danger, to have your back.”

“He conned a nice old lady into giving him an apartment with a million dollar view.”

“Weak, Peter - very weak. And June isn’t exactly your stereotypical old lady. I think she’d strongly resent the implication that Neal conned her.”

“His forgery of a Haustenberg is hanging in the Channing.”

“You don’t know that it’s a forgery - and didn’t the expert authenticate it? Besides, this is all old news. From my perspective, whenever Neal has truly stepped out of line, his life has been anything but validation and gold stars.”

“Really?” Now it was Peter’s turn to lay on the skepticism.

“You have a very convenient memory, my husband. Neal stole the music box, he gave it to Fowler, and if you hadn’t caught up with him, he would have died when that plane exploded. As it was - he saw the love of his life get blown up and got to spend the next two months in jail for that.”

Elizabeth didn’t break eye contact with Peter, who glared at her.

“And when he tried to get his revenge, he almost killed an innocent man.”

“Garrett Fowler was no innocent.” Peter muttered.

El smiled at Peter’s knee jerk reaction. “Maybe not.” She waved her hand at that. “But he nearly lost one of his best friends to an attempted assassination.”

Peter leaned back in his chair, anything but relaxed. “Okay - so maybe it hasn’t been all curtain calls and bouquets for Neal.”

“Far from it, hon.”

“He didn’t tell me that he had the art. He hid it from me.” Peter laid that out like a trump card.

“And did you ever give him a reason to tell you?”

From Peter’s utter stillness, El could see that her words hit home.

“I’ve supported and agreed with you every step of the way when you were trying to discover Neal’s role in the theft of the treasure, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it. About how things could have gone differently.” El took a sip of wine and marshaled her thoughts.

“And?” She thought she could hear a small bit of hurt in Peter’s voice.

“Neal’s a lot like Satchmo.”

“Of course he is – he doesn’t piss on the walls since we had him fixed.”

“Very funny, hon. But that’s not what I mean. Neal is, well – a creature of impulse. If you cooked a steak, set it on the edge of the coffee table and walked away, would you be surprised and angry to come back and find that Satchmo stole it?”

“The treasure wasn’t just left there. And Neal didn’t steal it, Mozzie did.”

“You really expected that Neal would just turn around and tell you that he knew where it was? Given the way you treated him?”

“Treated him? What do you mean – I treat him very well. Too well.”

“Oh? You all but make him a part of our family and then you drag him in for a five hour interrogation in the middle of the night. You run hot and cold, Peter. Either he’s your friend and you show him the respect he deserves, or he’s simply a department asset and you treat him as such. You can’t have it both ways and expect Neal to follow along.”

“So you’re saying it’s my fault that Neal lied to me?” The hurt was obvious now.

“In a way – yeah. You want him to trust you; you have to give him a reason.” She sighed. “Neal would give up everything for you – not for the Bureau – but for you. When you turned on him, I think he saw it as a betrayal of the trust he placed in you.”

Peter let out a shuddering sigh and abruptly stood up. “And from there, everything spiraled out of control.”

She got up and stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso and resting her cheek against his back. “It’s all about your choices now. I’ll stand by you – whatever you want to do. But you do have to make a choice. You either have to respect Neal for who he is and treat him like a friend, or you consider him just another tool in your belt and cut the tie.”

Peter turned around and held onto her. “He said something today – something I don’t think he meant for me to hear.”

She could feel the emotion radiating through Peter and hugged him tighter.

“He was talking with our suspect’s daughter after we arrested her father. She was upset, confused.”

“Neal does have a way about him.”

“Yeah, I know – but this was more than charm, more than charisma. He was talking from his heart.”

“What did he say?”

“He said …” Peter took a deep breath. “That she should look at what happened as an opportunity to live the life she really wanted. That he had been given that chance and it was the best thing that ever happened to him.”

She looked up at him. “That surprises you?”

Peter nodded slowly. “He told me that he wanted to stay – for you, for me – for the life he has now. That before Keller kidnapped you – he told Moz that he didn’t want to go. But part of me didn’t believe it – part of me still thought Neal was playing me. But he wasn’t.”

El wasn’t quite ready to declare victory – if this was, in fact, a battle. “You can’t expect Neal to be you – to have your values, your moral center. But what he does have is loyalty – and when he gives it, he’ll never look back, he’ll never count the cost. He’s your friend.”

Peter tucked a finger under her chin, tipping her face up. “How did I get so lucky to love such a wise woman?”

She kissed him. That was a question for which no answer was needed.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


“Night, Peter.” Jones let the car door slam as he got out. Peter winced and pulled away from the curb. He really enjoyed the ballgame, but he felt a little guilty. He had to give Neal back those tickets – to make a point without having to hammer it home and Neal seemed to understand. Particularly since he had just finished very delicately carving out the truth for the Justice Department.

And as mildly guilty as he felt, it didn’t stop him from reaching out and snagging the ball that foul-tipped off the end of Derek Jeter’s bat in the bottom of the fifth. Or screaming until his throat was sore when the Yankees scored and won in the bottom of the ninth.

Peter pulled up to a stop at the red light. It was still early enough that there was plenty of traffic in the neighborhood, early enough that he could swing by Neal’s place.

For what?

That question kept repeating itself as he crossed over Columbus Avenue and turned onto Broadway. The route was so familiar that he barely paid attention. He parked, tossed the FBI placard on the dashboard and was inside, knocking on Neal’s door before he realized just where he was, just what he was doing.

He was about to walk away when the door opened.

“Hey, Peter – what brings you here at this hour?” Neal stepped aside and he went into the apartment.

“The game was over – thought I’d stop by.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged.

“The game? Wait – did you go to the Yankees game with Jones?”

“Yeah.” He mumbled, much like a five-year old caught doing something he shouldn’t have.

But Neal just grinned and his smile was bright enough to light up Times Square. “Was it good? Were the seats good?”

“They were the best in the house.” Peter pulled the game ball out of his pocket. “Got myself a souvenir.” He tossed it to Neal, who tossed it right back.

“Cool. Want a beer?”

“Sure, thanks.” He wandered out onto the terrace. A beer probably wasn’t the best idea – but he hadn’t had one at the ballpark and he got the feeling that he’d be here for a while, anyway.

Neal joined him, handing him the bottle. He was surprised to see a beer in his hand, too.

They stood there, looking out over the city. There was certainly a sense of déjà vu. He didn’t know quite how to start.

Neal took matters into his own hands. “So, what’s on your mind?”

“Oh, nothing much.” He took a sip.

“Really?”

Peter had the feeling Neal was laughing at him. But when he turned and looked at Neal, his face illuminated by the fairy lights strung along the wall and the glittering, impossible skyline, there was no humor there, just a sort of sad resignation. He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn’t come.

“What?” Neal asked.

“Nothing, nothing.” He leaned against the wall.

“Something’s bothering you – you can tell me. Is it Elizabeth? Is she …”

“No – El’s doing fine. Really.”

“I’m … you have no idea how sorry I am for what happened.”

“I know – and I’m sorry too.” There – he said it.

Neal turned and looked at him – puzzlement warring with concern. “Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?”

He didn’t answer right away.

“Peter?”

Lights winked out, but the Chrysler Building still glowed – a beacon against the darkness. “Neal – when you think of me – how do you – think of us?” The awkward phrasing earned a bit of a laugh. “Seriously, Neal – if you were to tell someone about Neal Caffrey and Peter Burke, how would you describe me?”

Neal blinked, and all humor vanished. The pause was hard and Peter felt a ball of anxiety build in his stomach. After everything, despite everything, this mattered.

“It’s simple. You’re my friend, Peter.”

The panic eased. Peter could feel the absolute truth in Neal’s words. But he still needed to ask the other half of the question. “And do you think I’m yours?”

“What are you asking me?”

He licked his lips. This was so important. “Neal, do you think I’ve been a friend to you?”

If his earlier silence was painful – this was the torture of the damned. Peter was certain that Neal had to know exactly what he was asking.

“I would hope that you are. You killed someone to save my life.”

“I’m an FBI agent. I have a legal obligation – I couldn’t let Adler shoot you.”

“No – Peter, it’s more than that. I know that you think of me as your friend.” Neal stood there, unblinking. “Whatever else may happen between us – that is something I’ve never doubted.”

Peter wanted to rage at Neal. Instead, he chipped at the label on the beer bottle with his thumbnail and spoke in careful, measured tones. “If I was such a good friend, why did I accuse you of stealing the treasure? Why was my first instinct to blame you? Why didn’t I …” The self-doubt roiled through him.

Neal rested a hand on his shoulder – an unaccustomed touch. “I’m a con, Peter – you’ve even said that’s all I’ll ever be. You’re never going to trust me – not for stuff like that. I've accepted that.”

“But maybe if I did – maybe if I really thought of you as a friend first – you would have come to me. Things wouldn’t have escalated, wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand.”

Neal took his hand away; Peter was chilled by the sudden loss.

“Truthfully – I was angry at you. Furious. Your accusation hurt. The coldness afterwards hurt even more. But I don’t know if I ever would have come out and told you. I may have just told Moz to leave with everything – that I didn’t want a share. You would never have stopped looking at me for it; it never would have left your mind. I don’t know if it would have ended any differently. Moz is my friend, too.”

“Still – I am sorry. I could have been a better friend.”

Neal shrugged. “I could have been, too.” He took a sip of beer. “It's okay - we go forward.”

“We can’t go back.”

“No do-overs.”

“Nope.”

“Thank you, Peter.” There was a small, sad smile on Neal’s lips. It just about broke his heart to understand what was behind that sadness. “For everything.”

Peter knew that Neal could have been talking about the careful pastiche of half-truths he had fed to the Justice Department that afternoon, or the upcoming commutation hearing, or the next time he screwed up and Peter buried the problem in paperwork and convenient explanations. It didn’t matter.

Bruised, battered, filled with secrets they couldn’t share, they were now, still, and always friends.

FIN
Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>

Date: 2012-02-09 01:51 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
LOVE the dichotomy of the conversations here -- Peter with El (solid, familiar, close, intimate, honest) and then Peter with Neal (rocky, unfamiliar still or again, close then far then trying to step close again, partly honest, partly secretive, unable to connect just right again yet). Parts of this read like pre-slash (AND I FREAKIN LOVED IT), but it works so well as an episode tag, too. I can almost see these conversations really happening on the show. Lovely work.

Date: 2012-02-09 04:44 am (UTC)
sahiya: (Default)
From: [personal profile] sahiya
Aww, I love this. I love the show best when they are friends, and this was a really nice exploration of that.

Date: 2012-02-09 12:57 pm (UTC)
yamx: (Default)
From: [personal profile] yamx
This is lovely. First the conversation with El, full of conflict and yet founded on such a bed-rock-solid depth of relationship that there's no fear, and then the one with Neal, more peaceful in a way and yet so much more difficult. Great job!

Date: 2012-04-22 08:45 pm (UTC)
leonie_alastair: B/W Avedon captures a model w/umbrella in midair leaping over a puddle (Default)
From: [personal profile] leonie_alastair
You do an amazing job of writing Elizabeth. I like that neither Peter nor Neal has the upper hand in this story. They're both stumbling back to some sort of balance in the wake of the first half of season 3.

Date: 2012-05-08 09:29 am (UTC)
ebeneezerdark: "Oh, yeah. THIS is MUCH better than T.V.!" Eben being morbidly amused. (Better-Than-TV)
From: [personal profile] ebeneezerdark
El FTW!!! and you're filling in all the emotional stuff the series hasn't fixed. YAY!

Date: 2012-02-09 02:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dmk0064.livejournal.com
Always friends love it. Your argument is perfect and I have to say it seemed perfect to have Elizabeth talk sense to Peter.

Date: 2012-02-09 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jrosemary.livejournal.com
Love that final conversation between Peter and Neal--exactly what they both needed to start again. Not by erasing the past,or either of their mistakes, but by facing up to it and moving forward. Excellent!

Date: 2012-02-09 03:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] virgo-79.livejournal.com
This is gorgeous, and a much-needed missing piece, as far as I'm concerned. I've given up hope of seeing this aspect of the story addressed on the show, and I won't lie, I'll never be able to enjoy anything that WC gives me from here on out the same way I could before this season because of that. But this was a lovely story, and you hit right at the heart of the conflict. I also took issue with Peter's comment that Neal gets off too easy, and I liked that El was so quick to shut him down. This was a balm on that wound, and a very well-written one, too.

Thank you for writing this. It's an excellent story. :D

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] virgo-79.livejournal.com - Date: 2012-02-09 03:33 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2012-02-09 03:15 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Though I have read WC fics before, I have never commented before, even on ones I liked. But this one I loved, especially the last line.

Date: 2012-02-09 03:19 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Excellent!

Date: 2012-02-09 03:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asoaringravyn.livejournal.com
This was exactly what needed to have been done in the episode! Thanks so much for a wonderful fic! <3

Date: 2012-02-09 03:47 am (UTC)
embroiderama: (White Collar - El & Peter)
From: [personal profile] embroiderama
I love this exploration of their relationship.

Date: 2012-02-09 04:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] micheleeeex.livejournal.com
I love this!

Date: 2012-02-09 04:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] secretsolitaire.livejournal.com
Excellent. Conversations that needed to be had somewhere, since they won't be on the show.

Date: 2012-02-09 09:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nyxelestia.livejournal.com
Love it. I love how you placed a bit of the culpability on both of them, a good contrast to the show not really blaming either of them. I love Peter's realization about his treatment of Neal and how El lead him to that realization.

And, ficcing wise, welcome back!

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] nyxelestia.livejournal.com - Date: 2012-02-09 06:27 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2012-02-09 12:51 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] ivorysilk
Peter's accusation has always bothered me, do I really liked how you had him confront it here-the scene with El was fabulous. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story.

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] ivorysilk - Date: 2012-02-11 05:45 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2012-02-09 01:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elainasaunt.livejournal.com
You're so good at fixing things. Among the many reasons I like this:

Neal rested a hand on his shoulder – an unaccustomed touch.

Paving the way for the arm-clasp of awesomeness in 3.14!

Date: 2012-02-09 03:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sheenianni.livejournal.com
Amazing story. I love it that you adressed both Neal and Peter's part in the treasure mess. And El raised several great points in her talk with Peter.
Nice work.

Date: 2012-02-09 03:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rabidchild67.livejournal.com
Oh! I love the back and forth between El and Peter - like a tennis match. She's one smart cookie.

Date: 2012-02-09 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Lovely story I have always felt that Neal and Peter never really talk to each other they always hold something back even when talking about current events

Date: 2012-02-09 05:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] daria234.livejournal.com
Aw, I love this. I love that Peter is getting over his fear that he is not being hard enough on Neal to help Neal change. And El is of course spot on that Neal's principles are loyalty-based, not rules-based.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] daria234.livejournal.com - Date: 2012-02-09 06:26 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2012-02-10 01:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maiac.livejournal.com
Long time reader, first time commenter.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you! This is exactly what I've been thinking -- that Peter doesn't see, but needs to see, that for Neal, it wasn't about the treasure. It was about friendship and loyalty, and the terrible dilemma that whichever choice he made, he'd have to betray a friend. Of course El would make Peter see that, and Peter would apologize to Neal for accusing him with no evidence. Your story is just the way it should be.
Edited Date: 2012-02-10 01:30 am (UTC)

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] maiac.livejournal.com - Date: 2012-02-10 01:57 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2012-02-17 12:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lil-miss-maddie.livejournal.com
That was lovely.
Considering I'm at the brink of what I can cope with, plot wise, it's nice to see someone capture what WC used to be about.

Date: 2012-04-09 05:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ferryboat george (from livejournal.com)
I'm a bit pissed at Peter for his automatic accusation of Neal too, even before he saw the painting scrap. Glad to see a bit of resolution to that.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] ferryboat george - Date: 2012-05-07 05:04 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2012-05-06 11:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kcrenegade.livejournal.com
I'm just gonna...be...over there....crying...

-weeps-

Wonderful. I'm glad you mentioned Peter's accusation, because even when that episodes aired, the way Peter automatically turned to Neal made me hurt for Neal and made me look at what I thought their relationship was in a totally different light.

And El is a smart woman Peter. Count yourself lucky.
Edited Date: 2012-05-06 11:57 pm (UTC)
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