The walk to that classroom felt like he was going to his execution. Neal was certain that Peter wasn’t going to be there, or that he’d really not want to see him. The kids in the hall (they all seemed like babies now) ignored him. He hadn’t shaved for a few days, deliberately letting his beard grow so he would look older, and his hair was long. He wanted to look older, he needed to differentiate himself from the kid who came out to his secret crush and found his dreams on a snowy March night.
Peter was in his classroom, packing up, and Neal stood there, watching him. His breath caught in the back of his throat. Peter looked better than his memories – a little thinner, maybe more muscular, and he seemed, at least from the distance of the door to the desk, tired and a little sad.
Neal walked in and closed the door behind him.
“Hello, Peter.”
The shock on Peter’s face surprised him. Did he think he wasn’t going to come?
At first Neal couldn’t believe how disinterested Peter sounded – he could barely get him to say ‘hello’ back, and then - how quickly they descended into bickering. And even more that Peter thought that he had found someone else.
They sniped at each other and Neal found himself two breathes away from disgracing himself and bursting into tears. It was so fucking unfair. He had everything planned - everything and it was all going so wrong.
Then Neal caught something – a look in Peter’s eyes. Was Peter afraid of him? That didn’t seem possible – but maybe, just maybe that was why Peter wasn’t happy to see him, why he just stupidly kept insisting he was too old for him.
He just kept at Peter, pressing at him (much to his own surprise), and was blown away by his admission. It stunned him to think that Peter was scared that he’d regret getting involved with him, that he’d leave him. That he’d walk away. Peter didn’t say it, but he was scared that Neal would be disappointed in him.
He had never thought about that – Peter was always so strong, so confident. If Peter was the man that he was, Neal would never have had the courage to come out to him, to tell him what he was thinking, what he wanted to do.
It shocked him that Peter was so vulnerable – and that Neal had the power to hurt him so badly. It made him wonder about his past, who had done that to him, who left without a word, who left him feeling worthless.
“I’d never, ever do that to you.” Neal breathed – and he wouldn’t. How could he? You don’t do that to someone you love.
He wanted to fall to his knees and wrap his arms around Peter’s waist, to do all the things he’d dreamed about. He wanted to show Peter how very much he loved and trusted him – and that nothing short of death would keep him away.
Neal approached Peter – cautiously, he didn’t want to scare him. And for every step he took, Peter backed away, until he was caught between him and the blackboard.
no subject
Peter was in his classroom, packing up, and Neal stood there, watching him. His breath caught in the back of his throat. Peter looked better than his memories – a little thinner, maybe more muscular, and he seemed, at least from the distance of the door to the desk, tired and a little sad.
Neal walked in and closed the door behind him.
“Hello, Peter.”
The shock on Peter’s face surprised him. Did he think he wasn’t going to come?
At first Neal couldn’t believe how disinterested Peter sounded – he could barely get him to say ‘hello’ back, and then - how quickly they descended into bickering. And even more that Peter thought that he had found someone else.
They sniped at each other and Neal found himself two breathes away from disgracing himself and bursting into tears. It was so fucking unfair. He had everything planned - everything and it was all going so wrong.
Then Neal caught something – a look in Peter’s eyes. Was Peter afraid of him? That didn’t seem possible – but maybe, just maybe that was why Peter wasn’t happy to see him, why he just stupidly kept insisting he was too old for him.
He just kept at Peter, pressing at him (much to his own surprise), and was blown away by his admission. It stunned him to think that Peter was scared that he’d regret getting involved with him, that he’d leave him. That he’d walk away. Peter didn’t say it, but he was scared that Neal would be disappointed in him.
He had never thought about that – Peter was always so strong, so confident. If Peter was the man that he was, Neal would never have had the courage to come out to him, to tell him what he was thinking, what he wanted to do.
It shocked him that Peter was so vulnerable – and that Neal had the power to hurt him so badly. It made him wonder about his past, who had done that to him, who left without a word, who left him feeling worthless.
“I’d never, ever do that to you.” Neal breathed – and he wouldn’t. How could he? You don’t do that to someone you love.
He wanted to fall to his knees and wrap his arms around Peter’s waist, to do all the things he’d dreamed about. He wanted to show Peter how very much he loved and trusted him – and that nothing short of death would keep him away.
Neal approached Peter – cautiously, he didn’t want to scare him. And for every step he took, Peter backed away, until he was caught between him and the blackboard.