“Neal – I can’t tell you I don’t want you. And I won’t lie to you when I tell you that I don’t want to take what you’re offering. But I can’t – I can’t and then live with myself.”
They stood there, Peter wishing he could just disappear.
Neal broke the silence. “What if I said I’d wait?”
“Wait?”
“Yeah – if I said that I’d wait for you. Wait until I graduated. Would you still be interested in me?”
“Neal...”
“You say that you want me too – but I’m too young. I’m a student. But when I wasn’t – would you still want me?”
This is what it means to be damned, Burke. “Yes, Neal –I would.”
Neal smiled - it was like the sunrise after a long storm. “You won’t be sorry.”
“Neal, Neal - I’m not the one sacrificing anything. And I think you really need to consider what you are promising.”
“I’m know what I’m promising - I am going to wait until I graduate. And then we can be together, right?”
“No - not quite. I want you to have a chance to experience life. I don’t want you to give up something that you shouldn’t be promising me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Neal - if you are serious about what you want…”
“I am!”
“Let me finish...if you are serious...I want you to graduate and finish your first semester. You are free to do what ever you want - well not free to go to clubs and hook up with strangers - and if you still think you want to be with me, you can come see me when you come home for winter break.”
“But that’s almost a year! That’s not fair.”
“Neal - those are my terms. You finish high school, you start college. You live the life you were meant to have. And then...” Peter hoped he sounded implacable.
"Live the life I'm meant to live? Who are you, Dr. Phil?"
Neal pouted and it was all Peter could do not to laugh, or smack Neal on the side of his head. Or kiss him.
“Dr. Phil may be an idiot - but I’m not. I know first hand what it’s like - and I don’t want you to ever feel guilty or disgusted or sad at what you’ve done. And I don’t want to ever feel that way either.” Ever again.
Peter watched as Neal’s lower lip trembled, and his eyelids dropped. He wanted to gather him close, hold him, tell him everything would be all right, that it gets better. He wanted to make it better. His body went where his mind refused to go - and he took just a single step closer.
Neal’s eyes snapped opened, and he gave him a small, tiny smile.
“If you want me to do this - to go and have a life...you’ve got to give me something.”
“What?” And Peter thought, here be dragons.
“Kiss me - just a kiss.” Neal looked at Peter, blue eyes shining up from those ridiculously long eyelashes. “Give me something to hold on to - just a kiss.”
Peter knew he shouldn’t - that any sort of contact, no matter how gentle, how innocently intended - could blow up in his face.
Neal reached out, his fingertips brushing against his cheekbones.
“Neal, don’t. Please.”
“Just a kiss. That’s all I’m asking for.”
Peter couldn’t resist any longer. “A kiss - that’s all.”
Neal nodded, eyes huge and grave.
Peter stepped in close and cupped the back of Neal’s head, threading his fingers through those silky, dark locks, tilting him back.
Neal’s eyes fluttered closed, but his lips opened, and Peter imagined they’d be soft and sweet.
Peter leaned down, intending to give him a gentle salute - warm and loving, nothing more than affection and a promise. His resolve held until he tasted Neal, and until Neal tasted him.
Re: Teach Me - Part X
“Neal – I can’t tell you I don’t want you. And I won’t lie to you when I tell you that I don’t want to take what you’re offering. But I can’t – I can’t and then live with myself.”
They stood there, Peter wishing he could just disappear.
Neal broke the silence. “What if I said I’d wait?”
“Wait?”
“Yeah – if I said that I’d wait for you. Wait until I graduated. Would you still be interested in me?”
“Neal...”
“You say that you want me too – but I’m too young. I’m a student. But when I wasn’t – would you still want me?”
This is what it means to be damned, Burke. “Yes, Neal –I would.”
Neal smiled - it was like the sunrise after a long storm. “You won’t be sorry.”
“Neal, Neal - I’m not the one sacrificing anything. And I think you really need to consider what you are promising.”
“I’m know what I’m promising - I am going to wait until I graduate. And then we can be together, right?”
“No - not quite. I want you to have a chance to experience life. I don’t want you to give up something that you shouldn’t be promising me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Neal - if you are serious about what you want…”
“I am!”
“Let me finish...if you are serious...I want you to graduate and finish your first semester. You are free to do what ever you want - well not free to go to clubs and hook up with strangers - and if you still think you want to be with me, you can come see me when you come home for winter break.”
“But that’s almost a year! That’s not fair.”
“Neal - those are my terms. You finish high school, you start college. You live the life you were meant to have. And then...” Peter hoped he sounded implacable.
"Live the life I'm meant to live? Who are you, Dr. Phil?"
Neal pouted and it was all Peter could do not to laugh, or smack Neal on the side of his head. Or kiss him.
“Dr. Phil may be an idiot - but I’m not. I know first hand what it’s like - and I don’t want you to ever feel guilty or disgusted or sad at what you’ve done. And I don’t want to ever feel that way either.” Ever again.
Peter watched as Neal’s lower lip trembled, and his eyelids dropped. He wanted to gather him close, hold him, tell him everything would be all right, that it gets better. He wanted to make it better. His body went where his mind refused to go - and he took just a single step closer.
Neal’s eyes snapped opened, and he gave him a small, tiny smile.
“If you want me to do this - to go and have a life...you’ve got to give me something.”
“What?” And Peter thought, here be dragons.
“Kiss me - just a kiss.” Neal looked at Peter, blue eyes shining up from those ridiculously long eyelashes. “Give me something to hold on to - just a kiss.”
Peter knew he shouldn’t - that any sort of contact, no matter how gentle, how innocently intended - could blow up in his face.
Neal reached out, his fingertips brushing against his cheekbones.
“Neal, don’t. Please.”
“Just a kiss. That’s all I’m asking for.”
Peter couldn’t resist any longer. “A kiss - that’s all.”
Neal nodded, eyes huge and grave.
Peter stepped in close and cupped the back of Neal’s head, threading his fingers through those silky, dark locks, tilting him back.
Neal’s eyes fluttered closed, but his lips opened, and Peter imagined they’d be soft and sweet.
Peter leaned down, intending to give him a gentle salute - warm and loving, nothing more than affection and a promise. His resolve held until he tasted Neal, and until Neal tasted him.